Dear God,
Thank you. Thank you for being who You are. You're all that I need and more than enough.
You're patient with me when I act like a spoiled child. You're there for me when I'm stressed to the max, reminding me that this too shall pass and I don't need to be anxious. You remind me that I'm your child when I feel inferior.
You melt my heart and engrave your name upon it; covering all the scars and wounds with crimson words. Words of encouragement, purpose, love. Words that give me a reason to press on another day and fight the good fight.
I'm thankful that you hear me out when I complain, despite how petty most of the complaints are. Oh, and thanks for helping me realize how petty they actually are. Thank you for holding me tight on the nights when my burden for this world is heavy, and I'm homesick for heaven.
With everything in me, I'm so thankful that you sent your son to save me. Because of you my colorless, meaningless, mundane existence can be made radiant. I don't deserve it. Not one bit of it. But boy am I thankful. That doesn't seem like an adequate enough word for my gratitude--"Thank You"--but its all I have. So I give you my life, hopes, dreams, love, everything...and hope that I can make you proud. I hope and pray that as your daughter, you can somehow take this life and make it into something that brings you joy because you are my joy. Peace. Love. Passion. Motivation. Desire. Best friend. Absolutely everything.
I love you, Lord. Thank You for loving me first. Thank you for loving me before I gave a flying flip about You, and for loving me now that you have my heart. It's unconditional.
Thinking about You and Your mercies brings me to tears, right here in this Starbucks. It's overwhelming.
Take this life and make it whatever You need it to be.
With a heart full of gratitude,
Hannah.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Beauty
As a 16-year-old, I think about beauty a lot. I think about what it really is, how to have it, why it's important. If you know me well at all, then you probably know that I'm super crazy about makeup. I love playing around with it and I think of it like another accessory, or so I thought. But lately I've been feeling less and less okay with my own "beauty". To be honest, I'm pretty much just writing this to remind myself of what I really believe about what it means to be a beautiful person.
I believe a beautiful person loves God and others way more than themselves. She knows her value doesn't come in an eyeliner, a boy, or what she wears. She knows her only value lies in that Christ is making her into a new person. She's patient, kind, and not afraid to go against the crowd and do what's right. She doesn't critique and tear down other girls in an effort to feel better about herself. She doesn't gossip about other people, because she loves them. She'll pray for a friend in need, but more so than that she'll be on her knees all night on behalf of her enemies.
There's a lot of stuff that comes to my mind when I think of someone who's beautiful, but a HUGE majority of those things can't be bought. I truly look forward to who God's is making me. I really believe it when he says I'm a new creation. I trust that He's going to form my character into something beautiful. That's really what I want: a radiant heart filled with a love for Christ and everyone else. I want to be someone that younger people can look up to, not because of ANYTHING that I've ever done, but because God kept his word and brought beauty from the ashes I gave Him. And I can't take credit for any of it. I don't want to. "No longer I but Christ is inside of me"...so anything beautiful that may come out of my life wont come from me, but the One who lives in me. I'm so thankful already.
--Hannah.
I believe a beautiful person loves God and others way more than themselves. She knows her value doesn't come in an eyeliner, a boy, or what she wears. She knows her only value lies in that Christ is making her into a new person. She's patient, kind, and not afraid to go against the crowd and do what's right. She doesn't critique and tear down other girls in an effort to feel better about herself. She doesn't gossip about other people, because she loves them. She'll pray for a friend in need, but more so than that she'll be on her knees all night on behalf of her enemies.
There's a lot of stuff that comes to my mind when I think of someone who's beautiful, but a HUGE majority of those things can't be bought. I truly look forward to who God's is making me. I really believe it when he says I'm a new creation. I trust that He's going to form my character into something beautiful. That's really what I want: a radiant heart filled with a love for Christ and everyone else. I want to be someone that younger people can look up to, not because of ANYTHING that I've ever done, but because God kept his word and brought beauty from the ashes I gave Him. And I can't take credit for any of it. I don't want to. "No longer I but Christ is inside of me"...so anything beautiful that may come out of my life wont come from me, but the One who lives in me. I'm so thankful already.
--Hannah.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
My Testimony, as of an almost-17-year-old.
I feel like I can't really share the Word and revelations that God gives me when I write without letting people know where I come from. I feel the need to share where I've been, how bad I've let it get, and how radically God saved me. It's a little scary being that vulnerable considering I have NO clue who could read this, but I really hope that someone who's down will be able to relate and realize that no matter what they've done, where they've fallen, it's not beyond God to redeem and heal. In fact, that's his whole plan: to redeem us back to Him. This isn't a sob story, it's true. I forgave the people that burned me, and I have so much joy now that's deeper than any circumstance.
So here we go.
I lived in Alabama until I was 10 years old. I was kinda "raised Christian," but I never went to church regularly. I've never truly known my dad. He walked out when I was three, and died a few years back. I trust that God has a reason for that, and I'm so thankful that He protected me from some of the things that I could have dealt due to lack of that male figure in my life. I had one friend in Alabama, Courtney, and we're still great friends today. A huge majority of the other kids my age--mostly girls (the boys just ignored me)--were endlessly hateful to me starting in about the third grade. Desiree (my sister if you didn't know) recalls me bawling when I got home from school plenty of times. I hated, hated, HATED being at school. I remember one instance on our "bathroom break" in third grade there were 3 girls that pointed out every little flaw about my outfit and entire appearance. I didn't match, my shoes were stupid, my bangs were uneven, my teeth were crooked, and numerous other things. I can still remember their names and I hope I've never hurt someone as bad as they hurt 9-year old me. I see now that they were probably just insecure about themselves. However, that's burned into my mind as when my self esteem issues started.
Then, after a hellish 4th grade year, I moved to where I live now (keeping that secure, due to creepers lol). The aspect of moving outta town I wasn't psyched about was that I couldn't take Court with me. It's tough leaving your best friend since kindergarten! But we said our good-byes and I was gone. I still see her a couple times a year :). 5th and 6th grade were really good years for the most part. We had a really small class and I had some great friends. My insecurities were still deeply embedded in my heart and mind, but I feel that 5th and 6th grade were really great finishing touches to my young childhood. The summer before 6th, I went to my first ever REAL summer camp. My sister (Rachel) and her husband (Adam) paid for me to go and I was so excited. It didn't even matter to me that I knew not one person at the camp, I was excited to make new friends. The girls were complete sweethearts and so were my cabin leaders. They were all so welcoming and I think that set the atmosphere for what happened inside 11-year-old Hannah that week. On the second or third night at camp I got saved. I understood what it meant, and was so excited about Jesus. The band was playing "How Great is Our God." I truly believe I was filled with the Holy Spirit that night, because ever since then I have had a never-ending tugging at my heart for the things of God. No matter how far I've fallen, I've always felt Him beckoning me to come back, even when everything else in me says I never, EVER could do that. But I'm getting ahead of myself! :)
So a year after that I began seventh grade. I hadn't brushed God aside, but looking back, I see that I put Him in a box. And in that box, He was very unhappy with me and everything I did. ALL of my bedtime prayers basically consisted of me begging God to forgive me of anything bad I'd done that day so I could go to heaven if I died in my sleep. He didn't love me all that much. At least that's what I thought. And I was very afraid of Him.
Seventh grade was the worst year of school I've ever been through. I had to go to a different school than all of my friends because of a family situation. I don't blame my family for that at all, it had to be done and it was a huge learning experience. But that year my insecurities raged. They literally consumed my thoughts, everything. I'm not proud of that at all. I constantly compared myself to other "prettier" girls in my school. They made fun of me, too. But not to my face and naturally they were more vicious than the third graders. I have a journal from seventh grade, and it makes me so sad to see the things I wrote down as prayers. Such as "God please do something to make me as pretty as (insert name here). Fix my eyesight so I don't have to wear glasses, straighten out my teeth, give me boobs, SOMETHING. I feel disgusting all the time. -Hannah"....Yeah. I realize that as a 7th grader, I could've stepped up and been a bigger person and all, but I didn't. But you know what? I learned from it.
Then, Summer '08 came around and it worked out so I could go back to the school where all my friends were! I was pumped. In 8th grade, I think my biggest struggle second to comparing myself to others was trying to "fit in". I remember having serious dilemmas in my mind over who to sit with at lunch: the popular girls who would let me sit when them, but we weren't all that close so I didn't say much. OR my real friends, who were really good girls. (If you guys read this, I really value the friendships we had and I'm glad I finally got over it and sat with yall ;) ) Along with 8th also came my first real boyfirend and therefore first real broken heart. Totally messed me up at the time, but we're great friends now.
Oh boy, do we really have to talk about freshman year? May as well... My best friend Taylor had invited me to her church that summer and for the first time in my entire life, I actually belonged somewhere. I loved the people, the worship, the messages, and most of all that I could count on an encounter with God every single time I came. The summer before freshman year and into the beginning of it, I grew in my relationship with Jesus. I started seeing Him in new, more real way. Not just as someone who moved me to tears at summer camp and scared me to death the rest of the time. And then, slowly but surely, Tay and I fell into the lie that SO MANY teens fall into. The whole "You don't want to waste your youth being 'goody goody', you have to live it up!" and "You're only young once" crap. Let me interrupt myself for a second about only being young once. DUH YOU'RE ONLY YOUNG ONCE! So why in sam heck would you want to waste your awesome youth getting drunk, high, having sex, causing yourself such pain and leaving yourself in a huge mess that could take years to sift through and deal with? That's a whole 'nother entry though. Back to fresh-meat year. SO anyway, we fell for it. We did some ridiculous things, dressed in a completely vulgar way, and filth just rolled out of our mouths. And the thing is I'd go to church, feel convicted, apologize, and give up on my "re-dedication" by second period Monday morning. It was an endless cycle. I hated it so much, but I didn't see how it would ever end so I pretty much quit fighting it. Towards the end of 9th, I got involved with an older guy behind my mom's back. I literally lied and told her I would be with a friend and walked out the door only to get into his car. I was stressed out all the time because I hated lying to her, but I thought it was worth it. Well, she found out. All the sneaking out, dating, everything. She was furious and with good reason. I can't think of a time when I've felt so horrible...she was so disappointed in me and it crushed me. But on the day she found out, even though I broke her heart and trust, she held me while I cried my eyes out and endlessly apologized for hurting her. She kept telling me "It'll be okay. I still love you so much, you'll have to earn my trust again but you can do it." I truly got a glimpse of what unconditional love is in that moment.
After that, I found my way to repentance and tried so hard to please God. It's not that I didn't love God, believe in Him, anything like that. It's just that I still hadn't seen Him in the way I do now. I was too proud.
I can sum up my spiritual life sophomore year in one word: struggle. I had a new determination that I would follow God no matter what. But the determination itself distracted me from my real goal: an intimate relationship with my savior. I was trying to EARN my relationship with Him. If you would have told me that I was doing so, I would have refused such a thing up and down. I was SO PROUD. I'm not going to lie, I would compare myself to other people and think "Hey, at least i'm better than that, God." I wasn't satisfied, and I knew something was wrong on the inside, but I figured I was good enough so it would be okay. I'd deal with it later. Then, second semester sophomore year, I got a job. I couldn't go to church anymore because I worked Sundays. I was still determined not to screw up and hurt mom again, though. But lemme tell you, it's a slow fade. And I definitely faded. I got bad grades, a cold heart, and a new guy who was just beyond wrong for me. I was so broken by the end of that combination that I found myself on the bedroom floor, Father's Day 2011, at the absolute lowest point emotionally, spiritually, everything, that I have ever been at. I could barely make myself pray this through my tears because I felt so unworthy to ever even be allowed to speak to God again: "God, I'm so sorry. I'm so unworthy, I'm so filthy. Please forgive me if you can, I'm so sorry." I expected to feel nothing, but desperately hoped for something. But I didn’t feel “nothing.” Not at all. It was like God just scooped me up right there and held me so tightly that the only thing I could feel was forgiveness and love. It changed me. That was NOT the God I had been acquainted with! That He was so in love with me to forgive me for everything? As soon as I was ready to lay down my pride and excuses and lies? It was so ridiculous. I just stayed there on the floor, while my savior held me in my pain and let me know He'd help me. He’d take me to new heights in a relationship with him.
I'm not going to say it was all sunshine and rainbows after that...it was hard. I had to deal with the consequences of my actions and the heart ache that came with them, but I didn't go it alone. Every single day since then I've prayed that God would fill me with that same love He showed me that night. And it held me together. All I want, since then, is for every fiber of my being to be so full of that radically deep love that I have to share it with other people. That people could get a glimpse of Jesus through the way I love others. And I soooooo can't be that loving without Him. As you could see, on my own strength I can't even love myself. And yes, I have most definitely messed up since then. But when I stumble, I remember how passionately He loves me and it's enough to lift me back onto my feet.
Since then, I'm truly SAVED. Not just going to Heaven. I'm saved from who I used to be, who I am without God. And I'm so thankful for that because He really is the only good thing in me.
Basically, if you've read this whole huge thing, there's basically two things I sincerely hope you take away from my story: 1) That I'm not perfect. I've screwed up big time before, I shied away from giving details because this is so public, but if you want to talk I'd more than likely be happy to share with you. I'm not saying anyone thought I was great or anything, but I felt the need to pair a testimony to back up other things I write. I know what I've been saved from, and I don't wanna go back. I have to give it up everyday, because if I don't pride will creep in and I know I could fall again. and 2) No matter who you are, what you're into, how deep you are into it, anything...even if you have told God that He can stick it where the sun don't shine, I promise you that He will take you back. He's so in love with you, so don't worry if you're broken.
I and many others are proof that:
"We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose."-Romans 8:28
It's truly beautiful.
Thanks for your time :),
Hannah.
hannahdorelle@gmail.com
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
When God Invades Your Pity Party
I feel horrible. It's just been one of those nights where you're like "WOW, what the heck am I even doing?"
At church we did a "spiritual gifts assessment". Well, I scored low on pretty much every category. Yeah. :( From that point on, I've been pretty grumpy and bummed tonight. That's just not a fun thing to see: hey, you're pretty average at everything! I know that test is man made and not supposed to be a sure-fire indicator. It's just for kicks, kinda. But still. It bothered me. I mean put yourself in my shoes: I suck at sports. I'm not good at school. I'm not a musician. I don't have any special talents. I can't sing. I can't even skate--roller or ice. The only thing I've ever loved or been passionate about long-term is Jesus. And since I'm human, I'm not even very good at loving him all the time. I mess up a lot. So after this test, I just felt like nothing. (I know that wasn't the goal of the thing and I'm not downing it at all.) I know I'm 16 and maybe my gifts, niches, whatever haven't developed yet. But all that was and has been running through my head is that I have no passion for anything but God and i'm not even all that good at that at this point so what am I even doing right now? Is my life just kinda at a standstill and I'm waiting to board the train of adulthood where i'll be running around aimlessly? I know God has a plan for me. I do. But what about right now? What am I supposed to do?
....
All that kept running through my head was this: All I have going for me is God.
Then came the waves of feeling like a total idiot. Which I am still basking in.
Oh really, Hannah? That's all you have going for you?
In the midst of all my wallowing and self pity, I was like "Dang, God. Way to emphasize two words of MY OWN sentence in a way that shows me just how ridiculous it is." I just felt God repeat :
"ALL I have going for me is GOD. Are you actually listening to what you've been telling yourself Hannah?"
At that point I was blown away. And I was embarrassed to have been thinking that over and over as if it was a horrible plague. As if that wasn't enough; I also needed to be athletic, intelligent, whatever else. And I knew God wasn't chastising me, just showing me where I was seriously mistaken. I apologized for slamming His character so severely though. I swear, I can't really think of a time where I have thought such an ironic statement in my head. SO STUPID!
If someone only has one thing going for them, in their entire life, one thing in their favor wouldn't anyone want it to be God?! Money can disappear. Good looks definitely won't last forever. After high school or college, athleticism doesn't do much for most people. Intelligence will get you far, but where's the passion in it? God is much more than enough to have on my side. He made me, he knows what my purpose is. I never realized this before, but God knew what He was doing when He made me uncoordinated and clumsy. When he didn't give me the talent to catch on quickly to, well, most things school related. All these years I've felt ripped off. Like, alright God, where's my share of talent? Oh...I don't get any...? Well okay.
NO!
I think it's possible that God was making it clear to me that from the very beginning, all He wanted for me was Himself. By no means do I all of a sudden know why I'm here...but I realize that whatever it is, it must be good. I mean, God pretty much cleared me out of options to be distracted by. He knew that I'd have a little bit of a grudge against my lack of abilities that I consider "important". But He sees my whooooole life, and saw that it'd be worth it for me to be a little peeved for a while. Why? Because He knew that after a night full of self pity, I'd finally listen to Him
ALL you have is ME.
I'm so grateful for that.
In the times that I've run from God, I've only ever felt empty. I'm not a good person without Him...I can't bring myself to be. I've seen how good He is, so when I was running from God, any goodness or sweet behavior just reminded me of Him. I knew any "goodness" I could muster would just be fake.
All that is just more evidence that God is the only good thing in me. He is all that I have going for me, and I will declare that proudly. I'm not naturally kind, easy tempered, anything. Truly, I'm not. All those things come from God. So that's all the more reason that I'm going to just pursue Him even more. I'm sure over the years He'll reveal gifts, talents, everything I need. But I'm going to use my "disadvantages" right now to His advantage and trust that I'll turn out the way He wants in the end.
I don't care what I am in the end. I just want it to make Him glad He made me.
At church we did a "spiritual gifts assessment". Well, I scored low on pretty much every category. Yeah. :( From that point on, I've been pretty grumpy and bummed tonight. That's just not a fun thing to see: hey, you're pretty average at everything! I know that test is man made and not supposed to be a sure-fire indicator. It's just for kicks, kinda. But still. It bothered me. I mean put yourself in my shoes: I suck at sports. I'm not good at school. I'm not a musician. I don't have any special talents. I can't sing. I can't even skate--roller or ice. The only thing I've ever loved or been passionate about long-term is Jesus. And since I'm human, I'm not even very good at loving him all the time. I mess up a lot. So after this test, I just felt like nothing. (I know that wasn't the goal of the thing and I'm not downing it at all.) I know I'm 16 and maybe my gifts, niches, whatever haven't developed yet. But all that was and has been running through my head is that I have no passion for anything but God and i'm not even all that good at that at this point so what am I even doing right now? Is my life just kinda at a standstill and I'm waiting to board the train of adulthood where i'll be running around aimlessly? I know God has a plan for me. I do. But what about right now? What am I supposed to do?
....
All that kept running through my head was this: All I have going for me is God.
Then came the waves of feeling like a total idiot. Which I am still basking in.
Oh really, Hannah? That's all you have going for you?
In the midst of all my wallowing and self pity, I was like "Dang, God. Way to emphasize two words of MY OWN sentence in a way that shows me just how ridiculous it is." I just felt God repeat :
"ALL I have going for me is GOD. Are you actually listening to what you've been telling yourself Hannah?"
At that point I was blown away. And I was embarrassed to have been thinking that over and over as if it was a horrible plague. As if that wasn't enough; I also needed to be athletic, intelligent, whatever else. And I knew God wasn't chastising me, just showing me where I was seriously mistaken. I apologized for slamming His character so severely though. I swear, I can't really think of a time where I have thought such an ironic statement in my head. SO STUPID!
If someone only has one thing going for them, in their entire life, one thing in their favor wouldn't anyone want it to be God?! Money can disappear. Good looks definitely won't last forever. After high school or college, athleticism doesn't do much for most people. Intelligence will get you far, but where's the passion in it? God is much more than enough to have on my side. He made me, he knows what my purpose is. I never realized this before, but God knew what He was doing when He made me uncoordinated and clumsy. When he didn't give me the talent to catch on quickly to, well, most things school related. All these years I've felt ripped off. Like, alright God, where's my share of talent? Oh...I don't get any...? Well okay.
NO!
I think it's possible that God was making it clear to me that from the very beginning, all He wanted for me was Himself. By no means do I all of a sudden know why I'm here...but I realize that whatever it is, it must be good. I mean, God pretty much cleared me out of options to be distracted by. He knew that I'd have a little bit of a grudge against my lack of abilities that I consider "important". But He sees my whooooole life, and saw that it'd be worth it for me to be a little peeved for a while. Why? Because He knew that after a night full of self pity, I'd finally listen to Him
ALL you have is ME.
I'm so grateful for that.
In the times that I've run from God, I've only ever felt empty. I'm not a good person without Him...I can't bring myself to be. I've seen how good He is, so when I was running from God, any goodness or sweet behavior just reminded me of Him. I knew any "goodness" I could muster would just be fake.
All that is just more evidence that God is the only good thing in me. He is all that I have going for me, and I will declare that proudly. I'm not naturally kind, easy tempered, anything. Truly, I'm not. All those things come from God. So that's all the more reason that I'm going to just pursue Him even more. I'm sure over the years He'll reveal gifts, talents, everything I need. But I'm going to use my "disadvantages" right now to His advantage and trust that I'll turn out the way He wants in the end.
I don't care what I am in the end. I just want it to make Him glad He made me.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Faith: "Standing Firmly"
Colossians 1:19-23
19 For God in all his fullness
was pleased to live in Christ,
20 and through him God reconciled
everything to himself.
He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth
by means of Christ’s blood on the cross.21 This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. 22 Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.
23 But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed as God’s servant to proclaim it.
Are you sure about that, God?
Up above, Paul is reinforcing the fact that God did it all. After we truly confess our sins, we're saved and right with God. No ifs, ands, or buts! God already forgot whatever we apologized for. He doesn't keep a record. However, it is so hard for us to grasp that. Very much myself included. Sometimes when I think about things that I've done that I know probably made God sick to His stomach, I feel like I could get sick, too. It never fails that there's a little voice on the inside that whispers "that's over with" and "you're a new creation" and "no longer I but Christ in me"...but it's hard to grasp those things when you've already let yourself feel that sting of guilt. When this happens to me, often I find myself (literally) repeating over and over in my head that "that was the old me" and "the Lord is my strength". It gets me through, and slowly I'm starting to actually believe those things. Maybe believe isn't the right word...I know that I've been forgiven and I'm different. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that I'm actually starting to have faith that those statements apply to me.
"Stand firmly...Don't drift."
God says what he means, he doesn't have any "scratch that" moments. So why don't we take him at His word? Not once has He lied or broken a promise. Stand firmly, don't drift...
"But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News."
It almost feels as if Paul is pleading with the Colossians to remain faithful. I'd dare say God is pleading with us to remain faithful, too. I wonder what it would feel like to trust God with reckless abandon...to just make a decision in myself to have faith in what He says is true. I think standing firmly isn't always an emotional high of "I believe God so much right now and I'm blameless and everything is going to be GREAT!", even though there's not much necessarily wrong with that. But it's easy to trust God when you're all stirred up and see His presence everywhere you turn. What about the times your past is attacking you and people are mocking you and you can barely hear God whispering "I'm still here,"?......."But you MUST continue to to believe this truth and STAND FIRMLY ON IT." We have to be faithful; we have to share that same unwavering devotion God has for us. And the great part is, he knows we'll mess up sometimes, but "If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny who He is." -2 Timothy 4:6-8.
Anyone can follow and trust God in the good times. Anyone with even a mustard seed of faith can trust Him in the bad times, too. You don't have to be a special kind of person with extraordinary strength. When you are afraid, feeling guilty, anything, take a step of faith and say "I believe what You declare over me, Lord." Then, get your bible out and remind yourself of the love and promises God has for you. I find that the remedy for my falling short is always God. I'm talking to myself here, too yall. We've just got to stop and have faith.
"Faith is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is the darkness ahead." -Unknown
19 For God in all his fullness
was pleased to live in Christ,
20 and through him God reconciled
everything to himself.
He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth
by means of Christ’s blood on the cross.21 This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. 22 Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.
23 But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed as God’s servant to proclaim it.
Are you sure about that, God?
Up above, Paul is reinforcing the fact that God did it all. After we truly confess our sins, we're saved and right with God. No ifs, ands, or buts! God already forgot whatever we apologized for. He doesn't keep a record. However, it is so hard for us to grasp that. Very much myself included. Sometimes when I think about things that I've done that I know probably made God sick to His stomach, I feel like I could get sick, too. It never fails that there's a little voice on the inside that whispers "that's over with" and "you're a new creation" and "no longer I but Christ in me"...but it's hard to grasp those things when you've already let yourself feel that sting of guilt. When this happens to me, often I find myself (literally) repeating over and over in my head that "that was the old me" and "the Lord is my strength". It gets me through, and slowly I'm starting to actually believe those things. Maybe believe isn't the right word...I know that I've been forgiven and I'm different. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that I'm actually starting to have faith that those statements apply to me.
"Stand firmly...Don't drift."
God says what he means, he doesn't have any "scratch that" moments. So why don't we take him at His word? Not once has He lied or broken a promise. Stand firmly, don't drift...
"But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News."
It almost feels as if Paul is pleading with the Colossians to remain faithful. I'd dare say God is pleading with us to remain faithful, too. I wonder what it would feel like to trust God with reckless abandon...to just make a decision in myself to have faith in what He says is true. I think standing firmly isn't always an emotional high of "I believe God so much right now and I'm blameless and everything is going to be GREAT!", even though there's not much necessarily wrong with that. But it's easy to trust God when you're all stirred up and see His presence everywhere you turn. What about the times your past is attacking you and people are mocking you and you can barely hear God whispering "I'm still here,"?......."But you MUST continue to to believe this truth and STAND FIRMLY ON IT." We have to be faithful; we have to share that same unwavering devotion God has for us. And the great part is, he knows we'll mess up sometimes, but "If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny who He is." -2 Timothy 4:6-8.
Anyone can follow and trust God in the good times. Anyone with even a mustard seed of faith can trust Him in the bad times, too. You don't have to be a special kind of person with extraordinary strength. When you are afraid, feeling guilty, anything, take a step of faith and say "I believe what You declare over me, Lord." Then, get your bible out and remind yourself of the love and promises God has for you. I find that the remedy for my falling short is always God. I'm talking to myself here, too yall. We've just got to stop and have faith.
"Faith is seeing light with your heart when all your eyes see is the darkness ahead." -Unknown
Sunday, July 3, 2011
I figured it would be a good start to just explain why I'm doing this whole thing in the first place. :)
My sister Desiree (her blog is desireesurrendered.blogspot.com ) is on a "media fast". It's where you take a certain amount of time--forty days in this case--and take all the time spent watching TV, creepin on Facebook, whatever it is, and invest that time in reading your bible, prayer, family time, etc. It's something her church is doing as a whole. I didn't think it was a bad when she told me about it at all, but I didn't really see what the real need for it was. Obviously if you're addicted to media, you need to lay off, but I'm not and my spiritual life is just fine, so no need, right?
Well, I went to their church this morning. I've been there a bunch before, and it's a fantastic place. You can tell that the people there love and are hungry for God, not to just "play christian" and then be on autopilot till next Sunday. So I was really looking forward to the message! Well, the pastor gets up there and starts talking about the fast and I'm thinkin' "Oh great. I don't need this fast, so I reckon I'll have to wait till next week to hear a sermon"...God and I obviously weren't on the same page. I guess I was being a little arrogant, who knows. Anyway, I still payed attention to what he was saying and it shocked me when I started to realize this was something that not only could I benefit from as a person, but it would make me closer to God. Believe me when I say I love God. I do. Sometimes I have my days when I don't necessarily FEEL like making any effort and so on, but I'm human and He is patient with me. And sometimes I feel complacent with our relationship and get too comfortable. Which isn't good, it's actually quite dangerous. We can NEVER have enough of God in us. It's impossible. But, and I know i'm not alone, sometimes I think "Okay, God. I'm good right here. I've got all I need and I don't really feel like pushing for more."
That was my opinion on this fast.
BUT...I realize now that everyone could benefit from this.Why? For one thing, when we are zoned out on Facebook or TV, there is no telling what kinds of things are entering our minds. Our minds are being SO passive! That's a breeding ground for impure thoughts, which lead to impure actions, which are obviously sins. Aren't we supposed to be set apart? We've GOT to guard ourselves.
Beware of being "satisfied"
Also, I think about the times during prayer that I've prayed something along the lines of "God, I want more of You, but I don't really know what to do." Lemme stop right there. God is lacking nothing. HE is what makes us whole. We will never ever eeeeeeeeeeevvvvvveeeerrrrr have the opportunity to say something like "God, I'm just doin all I can, now You do Your part." And if we think we do, think again. That's foolish. He did his part on the cross. Anything hindering us from a closer relationship with God is simply us. He put it all out there for us.
That said, I'm ready for more. I realize that I do not and can not have "enough God". In fact, the more I think about it, I've been starving myself of him. I do pray throughout the day and try to read at night, but that's not the best of what I can give. That's leftovers, and He deserves more. Actually, He deserves everything. So I'm putting my life on surrender mode. I'm not wasting my time anymore, I'm learning more about the One who loves me with incredible passion.
You're waking up at what time...?!
One aspect of this fast is going to prayer at 6 am at the church. This is optional of course, but as the pastor said, "You'll get as much out of this as you put into it." So, I intend on giving it my all. I'm gonna mess up ALOT. I can already see it. But that's okay, i'm a work in progress. On a side note, I do think it's a beautiful thing to wake up early in the morning and start your day focused on Him. That's a sacrifice, and I don't think we make enough of those. I'm actually looking forward to starting my days off with the God who decided to wake me up this morning.
Anyways, the main objective of this fast is to fall even more deeply in love with God. I hope this journey might make ya consider your own relationship with Him, and if you've held your hand up to God and said "Stop right there, I'm satisfied and I think I can please you well enough from this distance." Please take a good look at yourself. Don't get arrogant like I was, test yourself against what Scripture says a follower of Christ looks like, not how your friends act. (In a "well at least i'm better than that" way. That's not what God does, He looks at us individually) He thinks about you allllll the time, and loves you more than you can imagine.
PS-Feel free to comment, I'd love to know who's reading. :)
My sister Desiree (her blog is desireesurrendered.blogspot.com ) is on a "media fast". It's where you take a certain amount of time--forty days in this case--and take all the time spent watching TV, creepin on Facebook, whatever it is, and invest that time in reading your bible, prayer, family time, etc. It's something her church is doing as a whole. I didn't think it was a bad when she told me about it at all, but I didn't really see what the real need for it was. Obviously if you're addicted to media, you need to lay off, but I'm not and my spiritual life is just fine, so no need, right?
Well, I went to their church this morning. I've been there a bunch before, and it's a fantastic place. You can tell that the people there love and are hungry for God, not to just "play christian" and then be on autopilot till next Sunday. So I was really looking forward to the message! Well, the pastor gets up there and starts talking about the fast and I'm thinkin' "Oh great. I don't need this fast, so I reckon I'll have to wait till next week to hear a sermon"...God and I obviously weren't on the same page. I guess I was being a little arrogant, who knows. Anyway, I still payed attention to what he was saying and it shocked me when I started to realize this was something that not only could I benefit from as a person, but it would make me closer to God. Believe me when I say I love God. I do. Sometimes I have my days when I don't necessarily FEEL like making any effort and so on, but I'm human and He is patient with me. And sometimes I feel complacent with our relationship and get too comfortable. Which isn't good, it's actually quite dangerous. We can NEVER have enough of God in us. It's impossible. But, and I know i'm not alone, sometimes I think "Okay, God. I'm good right here. I've got all I need and I don't really feel like pushing for more."
That was my opinion on this fast.
BUT...I realize now that everyone could benefit from this.Why? For one thing, when we are zoned out on Facebook or TV, there is no telling what kinds of things are entering our minds. Our minds are being SO passive! That's a breeding ground for impure thoughts, which lead to impure actions, which are obviously sins. Aren't we supposed to be set apart? We've GOT to guard ourselves.
Beware of being "satisfied"
Also, I think about the times during prayer that I've prayed something along the lines of "God, I want more of You, but I don't really know what to do." Lemme stop right there. God is lacking nothing. HE is what makes us whole. We will never ever eeeeeeeeeeevvvvvveeeerrrrr have the opportunity to say something like "God, I'm just doin all I can, now You do Your part." And if we think we do, think again. That's foolish. He did his part on the cross. Anything hindering us from a closer relationship with God is simply us. He put it all out there for us.
That said, I'm ready for more. I realize that I do not and can not have "enough God". In fact, the more I think about it, I've been starving myself of him. I do pray throughout the day and try to read at night, but that's not the best of what I can give. That's leftovers, and He deserves more. Actually, He deserves everything. So I'm putting my life on surrender mode. I'm not wasting my time anymore, I'm learning more about the One who loves me with incredible passion.
You're waking up at what time...?!
One aspect of this fast is going to prayer at 6 am at the church. This is optional of course, but as the pastor said, "You'll get as much out of this as you put into it." So, I intend on giving it my all. I'm gonna mess up ALOT. I can already see it. But that's okay, i'm a work in progress. On a side note, I do think it's a beautiful thing to wake up early in the morning and start your day focused on Him. That's a sacrifice, and I don't think we make enough of those. I'm actually looking forward to starting my days off with the God who decided to wake me up this morning.
Anyways, the main objective of this fast is to fall even more deeply in love with God. I hope this journey might make ya consider your own relationship with Him, and if you've held your hand up to God and said "Stop right there, I'm satisfied and I think I can please you well enough from this distance." Please take a good look at yourself. Don't get arrogant like I was, test yourself against what Scripture says a follower of Christ looks like, not how your friends act. (In a "well at least i'm better than that" way. That's not what God does, He looks at us individually) He thinks about you allllll the time, and loves you more than you can imagine.
PS-Feel free to comment, I'd love to know who's reading. :)
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